“He’s hot,” wrote Slate just a couple weeks back, “He’s ‘dangerous.’ Young men actually listen to him. Is he what Democrats are looking for?” Hasan Piker — the left’s “new Joe Rogan” — has close to 3 million followers. And this week he was (very briefly) suspended from Twitch after calling for a sitting senator to be killed. His supporters are framing his comments as misunderstood. Hasan didn’t call for Rick Scott’s assassination, he simply said Republicans would kill him if they were serious about Medicare fraud. And this might be persuasive had Hasan not spent the last couple years defending and streaming with actual terrorists, and praising the assassination of the United Healthcare CEO. A free speech issue, as Hasan’s bobblehead groupies insist? Idk, I draw the line at incitement to murder myself. But the media’s right about one thing: this probably is the future of the left. Buckle up.

Tuesday, Wired reported some DOGE staffers are drawing “robust” six-figure government salaries — like, up to the max ($195,200) for most white-collar federal workers. And I… don’t care? In fact, here’s a free idea: take some of the slashed $903,811 for alpaca farming in Peru or whatever and pay these people more. Stupidly low salaries are part of the government’s problem. Take the absolutely cursed job of overseeing the deployment of new health records for the VA, a billion-dollar public mess that’s dragged on for years. For the pleasure of wrestling cats (VA, Oracle, and a micro-economy of contractors and consultants) all while getting regularly dragged in front of ravenous lawmakers determined to rip you apart for soundbites, you can make about a quarter of your cushy industry salary. And you wonder why there’s rampant incompetence? By all means, thin the herd. But pay the rest what they’re worth.

Seven Tesla charging stations were intentionally set on fire this week at a Boston shopping center, according to local police. It’s the latest in a string of vandalisms against the company protesting CEO Elon Musk for engaging in a fascist coup d'état (defunding Arab Sesame Street) alongside Big Balls and the rest of the DOGE Youth. And while it’s nice to see these protests evolve from ‘painting giant swastikas on cybertrucks,’ I still can’t help but quibble with the strategy. Make up your mind, Ferngully leftists. Are you destroying priceless art in the name of fighting climate change, or destroying the very technology that’s helping us fight it? Mayor Michelle, if I may: when you’re done penning eulogies to knife-wielding thugs and throwing segregated dinner parties, maybe do something about the anti-environmental arsonists wreaking havoc in your city. If it helps, I heard Bostonian Tesla owners all denounced their white privilege.

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