Hello, how are you, welcome to the end times. As I’m running around Hereticon, playing host in a tux and Deadpool mask, my Pirate Wires crew has teamed up with a few young assassins from the Stanford Review (Julia Steinberg, Ahbi Desai, and Elsa Johnson). They’re floating around the conference, taking in the doom and heresy, and recapping what they learn in this here daily roundup. We’ve got a bunch of great, longer-form content on a handful of highlight talks and topics coming your way (probably next week after a round of edits). But, until then, here’s the bird’s eye view.

Enjoy, and hit us up on X to tell us what you think.

—Solana

Hereticon attendees genetically modified frogs, and that’s not clickbait. This frog embryo workstation by Los Angeles Project took participants into a future where any living organism could be biologically changed in a multitude of ways. Users designed their pet frog by controlling seven variables, including “glow in the dark,” “increase size twofold,” and “extra toes” (see a video of this in action here). With each genetic tweak, questions loomed: where does science end, and nature begin? Are we the bad guys now? Will the TSA confiscate my frog embryo on my flight home? The organizers told us we’ll see unicorns and dragons over the next decades, so watch this space. — Abhi

This blurb is brought to you by a ridiculous stunning and brave initiative from the Biden Administration that requires all federal research and decision-making to include some component of “indigenous knowledge.” What exactly is indigenous knowledge? Well it’s… hard to say. Quillette founder Claire Lehmann and Professor Emeritus of Anthropology at SJSU Elizabeth Weiss illustrated just how much murkiness exists in indigenous history: school children are presented a rosy picture of life in Native America, for example, while darker elements of these societies — including possible child sacrifice and ritual killings — go under-discussed today. But, the real issue according to these speakers? The “Pretendian” (new Liz Warren nickname?) activists who repatriate artifacts and cloud the field with questionable Native American history, making it impossible for anthropologists to do actual research. In other words — you can just make shit up, and the Biden admin will still use your BS for official government research. Reassuring! — Julia

Aella, aka the shower-averse, sultry-meets-smart sex nymph of X, with an IQ almost as high as her body count, walked into Hereticon with spreadsheets and bad news: your orgies suck. After surveying 800,000 people about their kinks, her talk demolished every assumption about female sexuality, including which type of group gets after it the most (libertarian women, it turns out) and how much fun people are really having at sex parties (most average fewer than one hookup per person). So why are most orgies actually such boner-kills? Because, Aella argued, they’re optimizing for the wrong metrics — turns out “safe spaces” and three-hour consent circles aren’t exactly arousing (shocker). With power dynamics data and charts on the bimodal distribution of kink preferences, Aella had founders in the room wondering if they should pivot from AI to sex party optimization (something they absolutely should not do — let the professional sex workers handle the orgies, autists). — Elsa 

Nick Solheim, Dr. Sumantra, and Mike Gibson came to tell us why America needs Greenland, and honestly? The math does pencil. Currently it’s a chunk of land three times bigger than Texas, housing fewer people than a mid-sized concert venue, costing Denmark $500 million yearly just to keep the lights on. Between its rare earth minerals and Arctic shipping routes that dodge the usual maritime traffic jams, it’s basically the world’s biggest foreclosure opportunity. The plan? Copy-paste the Homestead Act, send 100,000 American frontiersmen up there, and boom: the New New England. Sure, the Danes said no last time, but winners never quit, right? — Elsa

Modern parenting is basically just hostage negotiations with toddlers — three-hour heart-to-hearts about why we don’t eat cat litter, and diplomatic negotiations to get your kid to stop sucking their thumb. On Wednesday, Diana Fleischman, Liz Wolfe, and Simone Collins suggested that maybe we’ve gone soft. Pre-verbal kids might not understand your dissertation on emotional regulation, but they get cause and effect pretty quickly. Between Fleischman explaining evolutionary psychology and Collins sharing stories of CPS workers who’ve seen it all, they confirmed what parents whisper at playgrounds: 80% of toddlers get “physical correction,” they’re just too ‘enlightened’ to admit it anymore. — Elsa

In addition to a stagnant economy and nanny-state bureaucrats, another specter is currently haunting Europe: it goes by the name of the Muslim Brotherhood. Founded soon after the fall of the Ottoman Empire, the Muslim Brotherhood and its affiliates seek to restore a Muslim empire in Europe, and Ayaan Hirsi Ali — a Muslim-born critic of Islam — spoke with ex-Muslim activist Sarah Haider about the Brotherhood’s recruiting guides for African Americans, Latinos, and even Jews (lmao, bold strategy). The group evidently uses a three-pronged approach: 1) population growth, 2) labeling all critiques of Islam as “Islamophobic,” and 3) conversion, with the goal of eventually conquering all of Europe. Reminder to all Western nations (even the incompetent European ones): you can literally just deport people. — Julia

America should have a Sun King, but since our “democracy” is really an oligarchy of Ivy League dorks, Yarvin — interviewed by L0mez — dropped a surprise take (after borrowing Trump’s “weave” technique for most of his allotted time): Kamala should be President. Why? The empty pantsuit following four years of mushy-brained babbling will finally reveal...

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